Now He's Gone
by DramaticTendencies
Summary: A really , really cheesy Misto POV , slashy implications-ish , i dont really know what it is , but please review! Chapter2...
1. Chapter 1

People say that you can't miss what you never had

But I dare to say

I do…

I'm ashamed to say

That I never told him how I felt

And now he's gone

I miss him

More than ever

I never told him that thoughts of him inundated my mind

How I struggled to understand that I loved a tom

The real reason I broke it off with Victoria

But of course

He wouldn't understand

He'd just dismiss me

Maybe tell the others

Or would he?

He was always open minded

Ever the promiscuous one

Never afraid of trying something new

But would it be new for him?

If I had told him

It may have never worked

Maybe I had known him for too long

The foundations of friendship

Too solidly set

Could he change our relationship?

For something of the less plutonic nature

And dare I say…

Romantic?

But it's too late now

He's gone…

Forever.

All I have left are memories

His smile

His laugh

His scent

The way his fur glimmered in the sunlight

The way he said my name

But am I to blame

Is it really my fault?

If by chance

I had told him

And he had understood

What about the rest of the tribe

What would they say?

Everyone knows that Old Deuteronomy vehemently disagrees with same sex relationships

Would the same approach apply?

For his own son?

These things I will never know

But all I can say

Is that I will always, always…

Love Him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I'm sorry; this is so ridiculously cheesy,

So if you didn't get

Tugger is dead, for some random reason

And Misto is sad 

Cause he didn't get to tell him how he felt

Lol this is so pathetic, I've made Misto far too feminine, oh well…

REVIEWS 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so thank you to Cleo Leo for reviewing, its muchly appreciated :D. I suppose this chapter is more of a proper 'chapter' I mean, there's not plot as of yet, it just Misto being all… depressed? Anywho, Tugger needs legitimate reasons to have left, (yes I know he was dead last chapter but he's just ran off this time) so if anyone can think of one please tell me in a review =]

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I thought I knew you as well I knew this house. No secret places, no hidey-holes, nothing in you I couldn't see. Now I realise how you kept yourself from me, how I didn't really know you at all.

You're not here any longer so how can I speak to you? You can't speak to someone who's not there. Only mad people talk to a blank television set, a bed that hasn't been slept in for weeks. Someone half mad with grief, that is, might pick up a blanket, that used to be situated in your bed and hold it like a new-born kitten. Someone like me might do that. As if the blanket might still be warm or give a clue to where you've gone. The blanket in question, originally was stroon, in fact, towards the door. It wanted to get out, just like you did. I made it neat again, folding it, so each crease was removed. I stowed it in the bureau. Just in case. I locked the bureau on that rebellious blanket. It could be like me and grieve in the darkness. For a bit. Then I let it out. Im not cruel. But it's got to learn, hasn't it.

I can't send you a letter either, because you have to be human to receive mail, not to read it, but to have the benefit of actually getting my pathetic prose. There's no point really in writing this because it can't reach you. You have to be human, you have to live in a house with a front door and a letter-box if the postman is to deliver mail, and I don't suppose you do. Its not very likely, is it, that you've found yourself a place. Unless some lucky human has taken you in, that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I don't know where you are. You just went off, just ran out of the house in the middle of the night, and left me.

It costs me a lot to admit that, can't you understand? If I wrap my arms around myself and hold tight it keeps the pain it. Stops it spilling out and making a terrible mess. If I keep my mouth pursed tight I can't scream or throw up. If I imagine that you're gone for good, that you'll never come back, then this terrible wailing sound will begin and never stop. I might go mad.

If you opened the door now and came in you'd find me here in the living room. I'm lying curled up in the middle of your bed, nuzzling deep into the blanket. It's the time our human usually puts food out for us. But I don't want to face the bowl of odourless tinned fish. Im not hungry, im better off here. What did you eat today? I hope you ate something. Did you beg for food, off a kind human, or some adoring queen? I'd like to think you had something proper to eat. It became a fashion, when you still lived here. Our human would always give us food, but it was never good enough for you, you always claimed to have certain distaste to that particular fish, though you had eaten it the day previous, or you would simply say that you weren't hungry. Then late that night I'd catch you raiding the kitchen cupboards. Finding something that pleased you for the time being, but by tomorrow you would state that you hated it. How do you feed yourself? You can't live off just mice and rats, vermin of the streets. What do you have to do to be fed? Do you have to go with other queens and toms? Is that it? I remember, when Alonzo used to talk of the street cats so distastefully, especially those who sold themselves, he had a particular dislike of male ones. And when he would refer to them badly, calling them a whore, for instance, you would reply with the same unblemished answer, '_I think they prefer the term 'Male Escort'_.You was ever the comic. But is that what you do now, are you a 'Male Escort'. That's a stupid thing to think, you'll find away, you're the Tugger, you always do.

Im sure you'd never have left if you realised I'd be this upset. You didn't mean to hurt me did you? You never meant to hurt me I'm sure. I know you never intended to hurt the people that you did. You were selfish, yes but you were never one to purposefully upset someone.

You know I never meant the things I said in that argument we had before you left. When I said the things I said, I didn't mean for you to take it personally. It was just a manner of speaking. In the heat of the moment. I adore you, you know that. I never intended for you to take it to heart. Oh, why did you have to leave?

Of course I wanted you. Of course I love you. It's hurtful and wicked to say I don't. I suppose it's my fault you've left home to sleep rough Everlasting knows where. Go on, blame your best friend, everyone else does. I'm a failure as a best friend. I didn't listen when I should have done. I was just so sick and tired of your egotistical whinging, that I just stopped listening, maybe if I had listened, I'd know where you are. Why did you leave? Is it because I didn't give you enough of whatever it was. You've always been very difficult. I did my best what more could I do? Maybe it's because I let my emotions tear through our withstanding relationship. You see, I wanted more from you, you understand? Not in the same way as the queens, I don't care if you flirt. I just wanted you to notice me the same way you notice them. As harsh as this sounds, but I think you might be incapable of loving. You were always so intelligent, in your own little way. But the one part of you that you didn't flourish, was you intelligence. Maybe because that's not what was expected of you. Everyone though of you as a handsome, sex-crazed, self centred, empty headed blond. You always made so many people happy. With your hips, your paws, your kisses and Everlasting know what else. I just wish I knew. Maybe it was that desire that kept me from my duty as your best friend.

It's cosy in here. Peaceful, too. I've unplugged the telephone. So nothing can break the silence. So I can concentrate on you and we shan't be disturbed. It'll be dark soon, the street lamps have just come on, and I can see one shining through the curtains. Funny, you never did like these curtains. I remember when our human brought them home. I thought they were pleasant, nice even. Then when you came home and saw what she'd done you flew into a temper. You said you wanted the old curtains back. You asked me to fix it, by then it was too late, she'd already thrown the old ones away. At that point she'd walked into the room._' Do you like the new curtains kitties?' _She asked. You turned your back on her and walked off to the other end of the room. I couldn't believe you'd be so ungrateful. I couldn't believe that you'd got mad over such a trivial thing as curtains. But then again, you never failed to surprise me.

I think…I think im going mad. I keep hearing your voice, seeing you around the house. The worst part is , sometimes I can feel you sleeping beside me , the aroma of your fur so poignant , I can taste your breath , feel your touch , and that's when I know you've driven me to insanity. I'm madly in love with you. And it's utterly pathetic. I haven't been to the junkyard since you left, but some of the others have come to visit. Poor Etcetera's heartbroken and even Munkustrap's in tatters. I'm not sure if Bombalurina really cares if you're gone. If she really misses _you._ Maybe she just misses you company and your nightly escapades. But anyway none of them concern me. It's you that im bothered about. I hope you realise what you've done. I haven't eaten since you left, haven't slept, I can't do anything. Yes, yes I do feel sorry for myself. I can't believe you just left. I hope you feel guilty. How could you do that to us, do that to _me_. How could you.

Our, sorry, _my_, human will be home soon. I've locked the door to living room so see can't get in. I want to be alone with you for a bit. My darling best friend whom I love so much. You hold me to your chest and you rock me like my mother never rocked me. You're holding me while I cry. Laces like strings of white liquorice. They taste sweet. It's all okay now Tugger, You're at home with me now, everything's alright. I knew you'd come back, I knew you'd come back to me. But now…you're fading…breaking…shattering into a million tiny pieces…as is my heart.

I love you I love you I love you so much don't leave don't leave.

* * *

Okay so if you didn't understand:

Tugger has left

Misto is going insane.

Bless Him,.

Please Review.

Flamers make me famous

Critacise harsh-ish , this is the firt time ive tried writng like this , and i have to have it perfected before my next exam , so please help me...=]

And yet again, sorry for the unbearable cheesiness

p.s

I know there are faults in this like misto locking the door and stuff , cause cats cant do that , but still , please bear with me...

=]


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